If you’ve read my story, you know that I’ve tried on quite a few different…looks..in my early years. I don’t regret any of it, and I’m not ashamed. It’s all just part of the process of growing up (does it ever end?) and I think everyone goes through some sort of discovery phase. I wanted so badly to fit in, but at the same time I wanted to express my individuality. In college, I decided to get my eyebrow pierced because I thought it looked pretty cool on Fergie. Turns out it didn’t look so good on me (I took it out after a few months).
^sweet hemp necklace
These days, I don’t have as many piercings and I ditched the black eyeliner. Those are things that are easy to control. The shape of my body, not so much. Exactly one year ago I was trying to lose weight for an upcoming vacation. I did P90X and all kinds of dieting, just so I wouldn’t look like a whale standing next to my friends in our beach photos. I turned down all desserts and worked out every day, all because I just wanted to fit in. Seems like something I’ll never grow out of, right?
^When this photo was taken, body image was the last thing on my mind because I was laughing too hard.
With no vacations on the calendar this year, I’ve started becoming more lax in my training and eating habits. I don’t go to the gym every single day, and when I do, I don’t go HAM. Just enough to get my heart rate up. I went all-out in NYC, enjoying pasta (gasp!) and all kinds of pastries. Last weekend, we went out to eat three times. And I got pasta, again! I just don’t try as hard as I used to, and it’s okay. I’m never going to be ripped like the fitness professionals I follow on Instagram, because they are professionals, and I’m your average twenty-something just trying to be healthy and happy.
I’m not saying I’ve let myself go, because I would never stop working out or eating healthy. I actually like going to the gym and eating clean. It’s just that sometimes I like sleeping better, and sometimes I want pizza instead of quinoa. And I realized that in order to “fit in,” I’d have to work really, really hard, and it’s just not worth it. I’m okay with having arms that jiggle a little bit, because I don’t want to spend more than an hour at the gym a day and I’d like to continue eating pizza.